What the f*** happens now?

So, long story short, I lost my job. I believe if I’m getting fancy about this I should be saying I got made redundant. Basically I got dropped because my boss didn’t have the money to continue employing me and had no jobs for me to do around the shop. So, yeah. Bye bye thanks for you help you can go home. Like, now.

It’s safe to say, I was sort of in shock. And when I say sort of I mean completely and utterly gobsmacked. Just that morning he had wanted me to come in early so that he could see if I could open up by myself when he and my manager weren’t in. So… it seemed like pretty much a total 180 degree turn around. Turns out, he was flapping intensely about how much the takings had dropped after Christmas and he seemed to think he wouldn’t be able to keep me on.

So now, I’m sat, at my computer, pretty much just going ‘What the f*** do I do now?” I hadn’t planned on this. I think the problem I have most is that I felt like I was only just starting to settle into a routine. I don’t do very well without routine. When I originally started working at the shop it was just before christmas and I didn’t have routine days off so obviously I never settled into a proper routine. That, coupled with the run up to Christmas and copious doctors appointments to sort out my head meds (I’ve started Sertraline for the depression and anxiety) meant life was pretty chaotic.

After Christmas though stuff started to settle a little. I was given regular days off and I totally reworked my CV so that I could look for ‘proper’ / career starting jobs. But not even two weeks later, that hint of routine has been totally thrown out of the window. It’s gone. Poof. Disappeared. I feel like I was never really given a chance for my plan to work because I hadn’t even been in a proper routine for more than a couple of weeks.

Now I have to make a new plan. And it’s hard. I’m not really sure where to start. I lost my job six days ago and after that went to spend a few days with a friend. I still sort of feel like I’m reeling a bit and like I’m trying to figure out how to tackle stuff now. It’s overwhelming to say the least as really, in reality, I still don’t actually know what I want to do. I sort of feel like I’m being thrown head first into deciding.

I’m slowly slowly trying to formulate some sort of plan. I guess we’ll see how it goes but really, I don’t have any idea how to end this post because frankly, I don’t know how this is going to go or what is going to happen next.



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